You Know What Really Bothers Me?

A story as promised from my last blog:

Today I was sitting at an outdoor cafe taking in the beautiful day while having a nice meal when a woman with a little dog in her bag began an argument with the hostess over the table she wanted to be seated at. The manager intervened and called upon a waiter to immediately clear the table the woman preferred. In the rush, he bumped into a busboy carrying a tray of glasses that crashed to the floor. The manager, the hostess, the waiter and the busboy scrambled to pick up the broken glass as the little dog barked at the commotion.

Selfish people bother me. A whole discordant scene was created because of that woman’s selfish demands. What was once pleasant suddenly became unpleasant and that made me angry.

Selfish people really annoy me. You know the kind; the ones that walk into a room and make it all about them. How about the ones who befriend you and very quickly you realize the relationship is one-sided as they constantly ask for help and favors while hardly ever offering the same in return?

Selfish people make me angry because they are takers.

I think selfish people should change and be givers. That would make me feel better because I give a lot and I think other people should to. It is the right way to be and the world would be a better place if everybody gave more than they take.

Selfish people really irritate me. I actually hate them. You know the more I think about it most people in this world are selfish. Just think of how many times I get cut off on the highway, or wait in the stupid doctors office because they have overbooked or someone was selfishly late and threw off everyone else’s schedule?

I am so angry right now I think I will call a friend to let off some steam.


“Hey, how are you? What’s up?”

“Really pissed off. How are you?

“Well, actually I was just sitting here relaxing with a cup of coffee out on my deck enjoying the great weather….what’s wrong?”

“Oh nothing, I was just minding my own business having a nice day when this idiot caused a whole commotion at this café I was at and ruined my whole day!”

“Wow, sorry to hear that. It was such a beautiful day today. What was the commotion about?”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter. Talk to you later.”

I pop a piece of chocolate in my mouth from a bar I keep in the refrigerator for emergencies such as this. I feel better. Actually, who cares about earlier in the day? Everything seems okay.

A whole chocolate bar later and I am at the gym pounding on the treadmill. I am angry at myself for eating the chocolate, angry at the woman in the café and angry at my friend for being selfishly happy while I am so miserable.

In the shower after my run, I reflect on the series of events and realize today is not unique. I am like this most of the time. I start out wanting to be happy and to enjoy my life and then always end up angry about something. Up until this moment I assumed it was always someone else fault. Either they did something or they had some character flaw that made me upset.

Why is this?

What bothers us is our greatest ally.

When we stop running from, resisting or blaming others for what bothers us and make the choice instead to embrace it, we take the first leap towards freedom to choose a better life.

What bothers us points to where we need to look to uncover the truth of the hidden beliefs in our unconscious that have been secretly influencing us. This truth gives us the power to make an intelligent choice about it. We can stay imprisoned with these newly discovered beliefs by choosing to keep believing more of the same or we can set ourselves free by changing these beliefs.

Changing beliefs requires deep honesty and introspection. It also requires kindness. What is hidden within us is not always easy to understand and embrace. We may discover things that we will feel ashamed of or sad about. At the same time, we can realize that part of our problem may have been that we really do not know ourselves very well.

And now that we are beginning to know, the journey of our life will never be the same.

More on why selfish people make me angry next time.

 With peace,


8 thoughts on “You Know What Really Bothers Me?

  1. i think that selfish people need to change their ways. i have been surrounded by selfish people for all of my life. i have only jut got to a place where i am appreciated and people start looking out for me. my friends all used to take advantage of the fact that i couldn’t say no. no i can’t help you, no i don’t know what to do, no there is nothing i can do. i helped them all and felt crappy. life revolved around them and as long as they were happy it didn’t matter about me so i know exactly where you are coming from. i hope now that you have found an outlet to deal with selfish people. When people push in front of me on the tube, i stand there and say excuse me quite loudly. my obnoxiousness makes them feel awkward and apologise so that i make them realise that they have done wrong. try it, let people know when they are being selfish. keep smiling :)

    • Thank you for your words of support. One thing I am realizing is that when I encounter someone that is selfish, my anger at them gets in the way of dealing with the situation. I’ll write more about that next time.

    • Hey emmahevezi
      One thing to think about perhaps: is it possible to deal with the situation like you did in your example without anger or do you have to be angry to raise your voice? :) I know anger can arise without us really wishing for it, but it is actually possible to remove the anger (not “closing the anger inside, letting it grow”, but removing it).

      • i guess that i could try, i mean i have been looking for alternative outlets for anger and frustration. i only am angry at people if i have a particularly bad day. i can’t raise my voice unless i am angry because i am too shy i fear that nobody will like me. and i need to be able to suppress the anger, stopping it from building and also not letting it surface to try not to be angry at the people around me. thank you for your words of wisdom :) x

      • There are specific “techniques” which make you able to get rid of any negativity within so that you can more freely choose what to do without anger, worries, shyness or the like controling you. They are “techniques” which will bring more peaceful states and love into one’s life if one uses them. One’s understanding and ability to see better solutions to things increase too. A normal way of being is to build up emotions, for example anger, and they just grow and grow because one doesn’t know how to get rid of them. Then it seems as though it cannot go away until you express it by shouting or whatever it makes you want to do. But fortunately there are ways to get rid of it. I just started my blog to write about it. I have written some things already, but there will be more to come. I will also mention other sources which are very helpful. :)

      • Looking directly your anger and realizing that the anger was already in you before the event or person came along that merely triggered the anger to emerge is most important I believe. This is an important distinction because it makes you aware that nothing outside of you was the cause, which means there is no one to blame. When there is no one to blame you are no longer a victim and you have taken a step towards being free! When you accept that anger is already within you, you no longer resist it and it can release from you in a more gentle way. You can do this by acknowledging the anger and surrendering it to a higher intelligence, God or what ever feels true to you by writing it out or speaking it aloud. Honesty about what is in you is the beginning to seeing more choices we have. My best to you.

      • It’s good to see that internal problems need internal solutions. Anger easily blames everything else and won’t see that the problem is internal. It is a very good thing to resolve one’s inner problems with internal means, instead of only looking at external solutions.

        An example of how silly anger can be is when you bump into an object. You might get angry at the object, blaming the object, which intention of course was to make your life less enjoyable ;)

  2. Pingback: The shaky faith of the angry « power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci

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